Along with all the hustle-bustle, shopping, preparation and festivities at Christmas, for many it can drum up memories of a negative childhood, reflections of lost loved ones, and a focused awareness of ones own lonely situation.
Throw in a dose of shortened darker days, which can trigger Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). It’s no surprise many people end up wondering why they feel worse around this time of year. The expectation to be cheery and festive is possibly the exact opposite of what you are really feeling.
“Does it help you to know... that’s normal?”
There are ways to beat it, but a tiny bit of
motivation in the beginning is essential. Once you find a way through the
initial part, your mind and body will feel better making it easier to help
yourself.
"So what matters to you?"
Is it friendship? Health? Family? Alone time?
First choose something that matters to you and pick a
small activity to enable it.
For example:
Friendship: Ring a pal, and make a date for coffee
Family: pop round on the off chance
Health: start some walking in the evenings or treat
yourself to some healthy smoothies.
Alone time: Pick a moment and promise yourself a treat
already prepared.
If these are a little intense for you to manage right now,
how about just initiating a conversation by texting someone a joke. Show them
you are free and open to talk right now. Or just write down a list of realistic
tasks to see if you could possibly choose to do one of them. You may not feel
like it, but once you do, you’ll feel so much better.
It’s all about striking up a conversation with yourself, that might sound strange but often one of you becomes the logical, reasonable one, and that’s the one to listen to.
"Ask yourself, if your friend was feeling this low, what advice would you give them?"
This is often the best advice you could give to
yourself whether its time to reach out to someone for company or help, or just
to find some time to do something for yourself and feel human again.
If I were a betting lady, I’d say you read this, and
then forget about it later, but tap into that logical side of you and seize the
moment. If you are reading this and it has struck a chord,
it's no coincidence
that you need a little help!
Some people help themselves with a few therapy
sessions, and much of what is done is asking ‘open-ended questions’. An
open-ended question is a question that requires a longer answer using your own
knowledge or feelings.
But you can do this yourself if you feel unable to
meet someone. All you need to do is write those answers down on paper. Reading
your thoughts and feelings back to yourself is surprisingly revealing and
informative.
Examples of good open-ended questions:
- Why is this happening to me?
- How do I feel about that?
- Are there other ways to look at this?
- What would a friend say about this?
- How can I feel better?
- What things are bothering me and why?
You see these kinds of questions need some thought to
answer, and it all comes from you. It stimulates a brainstorming session and
writing it down means you don’t forget any of it. You can also come back to
your brainstorming session at any point because it’s all written down.
This technique has another beneficial effect; it puts
on paper what was buzzing around in your head and allows you to have permission
to stop worrying about it.
YES
Some people imagine the worries flying out of their
head onto the paper as they write and it just gives their brain some breathing
space. That breathing space might just enable you to focus on solutions later.
"This is a fantastic technique if you have trouble sleeping."
Pop a pad and pen by your bed, and when you find your
mind buzzing with thoughts and feelings... write them down and give yourself
permission to review them in the morning NOT NOW... Now is sleep time.
So these are just a few skills you might find a therapist teaching a client.
