Keeping Emotions tucked away leads to an unhealthy and unhappy you.

Emotional Constipation leads to Health Problems

When we don't allow ourselves to feel certain emotions, the emotional energy stays stuck in our systems. Stored emotional energy stagnates, creating build up and emotional toxicity. It is the emotional equivalent of constipation. For your gastro-intestinal system to function properly, it needs to have regular movements. Otherwise, constipation leads to all kinds of problems, like discomfort, headaches, irritability and eventually, a seriously toxic system. Similarly, the emotional system needs to have regular movements and releases, or it will also back up and toxify.

As emotional constipation blocks your system, it can lead to all kinds of problems from low energy and mild depression, to serious conditions and diseases like cancer.

Hidden Emotions and Addictions

When we push emotions down, they don't go away, they stay in our systems waiting to be expressed in some way. In order to keep pushing down what we feel, we often turn to numbing ourselves through some kind of addiction. We might numb ourselves with food, alcohol, sex, drugs, work, religion, etc. Potentially anything in the universe can be misused in order to avoid feeling our truth.

Hidden Emotions and Unhealthy Relationship Patterns

In order to deny certain emotions, you literally have to disconnect from parts of yourself. When you disconnect from your emotional truth, you also disconnect from your internal compass. Internally disconnected, you make choices that are not healthy for you. For example, you may form relationships with unsuitable people. Or, the people may be okay, but you form unhealthy ways of relating to them.

As you try to form relationships in your present life, hidden emotions can rise up to create constant roadblocks. Looking out through emotions stored in your own system, you see others through the lens of

old fears, old anger and old sadness

Then you try to play out these old emotions on someone new who is not actually the root cause of your emotional issues.

When we don't take responsibility for healing our emotional baggage, we expect too much of our relationships. We expect others to be more than loving and supportive.

Not taking responsibility for healing our own baggage, we demand our relationships become therapy to heal our past.

One of the greatest gifts we can give our relationships is to face and heal our own emotions. Also, one of the most powerful gifts we can give ourselves is to take a risk and find the courage to feel and heal...

If you or someone you know is in need of unlocking that emotion, please contact Sam or Jackie at Therapy for Life

How to Negotiate Awkward Questions

We often find people asking questions and probing into our lives. For some it’s fine, but for others who don’t feel they’re in a good place right now, it's intrusive and unsettling.

We all have standards when it comes to manners and many people who are 'people pleasers' will not want to offend the person probing for information, we sometimes reluctantly and uncomfortably give it all away in a rush of anxiety. 

"There are many reasons we want to keep things private, fear of judgement and misunderstanding is one of the main reasons."

No matter how much we may say

“I don’t care what they think of me”

We still do on some level...

Not only that, when we feel pressured we revert back to our child when being asked personal questions, similar to how you were spoken to years ago by a parent or teacher and therefore feel you must answer honestly and in full.

"Many clients come to me with feelings of stress and anxiety, and occasionally the problem is dealing with Other People."

Social skills levels vary in all of us, depending on our upbringing, our self-esteem and confidence, our character and how much we really enjoy others company.

But for those of us who struggle, there are a few techniques that will help you dodge or deal with those awkward probing questions and uncomfortable conversations with family, friends and colleagues.

Before you enter into your life experiment, it’s wise to just check in with yourself and be aware that you intend to tackle each encounter differently and take control using these techniques...

Distract - Diffuse - Delay 

Distract

This skill is used to change the subject of conversation or line of questioning being directed at you. It’s useful if you know some details about the person directing the questions or details about someone you mutually know.

For example

• Awkward Question:  “So how’s the job hunting going?”
• Answer 1 “That reminds me, I forgot to ask you about your new job.” (about them)
• Answer 2 “Job hunting? I’ve been spending time with my son, you know he’s starting senior school soon.” (about you but redirected)
• Answer 3 “Talking of jobs, I wonder how that job is going for Uncle Mike.” (about someone else) 

You can of course answer a question with another question, which is another form of Distraction...

For example

• Awkward Question: “I heard you lost your job, how are you managing financially?”
• Question response: “Talking of money, didn’t Jim win the lottery?"

Diffuse

If confrontation is possible, this can cause a great amount of anxiety before the event. Learning diffusing skills helps you to stay in control and levels your emotions, but also reflects the behaviour back to the source allowing them to become aware of their behaviour. Direct reflection must be done carefully as it may come across as sarcasm. The key with all of this is to remain sounding calm in your voice and keeping your own emotions out of the words.

For Example

• Confrontational Question: “Why do you always turn up late and ruin everything?”
• Answer 1 “I’m sorry you feel my being late has ruined everything” (direct reflection of their words absorbing their anger)
• Answer 2 “Perhaps there is something I can do to help put things right” (offering a solution)
• Answer 3 “Perhaps we could discuss how you feel about this later... ” (offering to talk extensively later once feeling calmer)

Delay

If you are someone that has difficulty saying ‘no’ to people and seem to take on everything that is asked of you, maybe you stutter and stumble when faced with difficult questions and personal subjects, or you might be caught off guard and suddenly put on the spot. This skill gives you time to go away and think about the response you would like to give.

For example

• Awkward question: “So how’s the love life going?”
• Answer 1 “Now there’s a question, I just need to pop to the loo, back soon.”
• Answer 2 “Excuse me just one moment while I grab a glass of water, I’ve got a dry throat.”
• Answer 3 “Hold that thought, just remembered I think I left my phone in the car.”

These all politely allow you time to escape giving you a moment to compose an answer. This is especially useful for people in a career where they are feeling overwhelmed and taken advantage of by colleagues and the workload.

So you may find it’s just easier not to talk about yourself and your situation certainly with family, friends and colleagues. 

"But that’s not saying that keeping it all inside is a good idea... it certainly isn’t." 

Finding the right person to talk to is the key, it might be a trusted friend or better still a therapist or counsellor who is impartial and non-judgemental. In these sessions you can talk about anything and everything, in fact the counsellor welcomes it, and you’d be amazed how much better you feel after just one session.

These are just some of the techniques your tailored plan may involve. It’s different for each person, and in therapy, we can use the time to practise and come up with some great responses to the expected uncomfortable questions you could be asked.

Preparation and practise is such a comfort to many of my clients, and just having that tailored plan sitting in your back pocket is a real reassurance and confidence booster for those awkward, fearful moments.

"Why not try out some of the techniques on people that don’t upset you, learn to master them and feel in control."

If you like these and want to learn more and improve your social skills therefore reducing anxiety, please contact me, I’d be happy to help you succeed and feel much more comfortable within social situations.

If you or someone you know is in need of some counselling, don’t hesitate to contact me by clicking here... Take care, Sam

Which stress do you suffer from? And is it making you ill?

Research has shown that there are types of stress that can cause different personality traits, physical symptoms and occur at various durations.

Therapy For Life's 'Employee Support Program' Reduce Stress related staff sickness now.

Employee Support Program

A program designed to promote health and wellbeing in the workplace, filtering positive skills and cognitions into all areas of life.

Support is provided in the form of therapeutic counselling to help balance your work, family and personal life.

• ·      Work Life & Pressures
• ·      Life Events
• ·      Relationships
• ·      Health & Well Being
• ·      Bereavement & Loss
• ·      Stress
• ·      Anxiety
• ·      Depression
• ·      Bullying & Harassment

Designed to help you in times of confusion, stress and anxiety. You will be given the opportunity to develop and gain the skills and awareness needed for a calmer more stable outlook in your life.

• All carried out with your therapist in a safe and confidential environment. 
• The service is completely independent from your employer.
• You do not have to inform anybody else that you have used the service. 

When you contact the service, the only information required from you is your basic details and the name of your employer. Any additional information you share is at your discretion. We are bound by the Ethical Standards of the BACP.

www.bacp.co.uk

Contact:

Samantha Crook, Founding Partner of ‘Therapy For Life’

Tel 07546 917 252

Email: sam.c@therapyforlife.net

www.therapyforlife.net

You will be sincerely welcomed to the service and receive help within a caring and confidential setting. People often feel relief when someone understands their problems on a deeper level. I will be warm, calming and respectful towards you no matter what you say, and hopefully you will trust me enough to reveal your concerns. The aim is to help you become an expert on yourself, and hopefully you will gain some skills to help yourself cope in the future.

Everything discussed will be treated with the utmost confidence.

Corporate Services - Employee Support Program

Reduce workplace stress – improve business performance

Excessive workplace stress leads to:

•   Lackluster staff performance

•   Long term absence

•   Low levels of morale and engagement

All of which have an impact on your bottom line.

In 2013/14 Stress, Depression or Anxiety accounted for the majority of days lost due to work-related ill health... 11.3 million days in total across England.

(Says the latest information from the Labour Force Survey)

Agreement

Therapy For Life would like:

·  To provide support emotionally and psychologically to any member of staff that requires it.

·  To teach skills for coping with anxiety and stress.

·  To provide information about external support sources relevant to the client’s issues.

·  To report any extreme circumstances to management (as we see fit) that may involve the physical safety of others.

·  To use an integrated therapeutic approach involving Cognitive Behavioural Therapies, Person Centred, Psychodynamic and Transactional Analysis as an aid to enable the client to reach their goal.

·  To provide a safe confidential environment for staff in accordance with the Ethical Standards of the BACP.

·  To be punctual, professional, reliable and effective.

·  To negotiate working hours to suit the establishment.

·  To offer opportunity for ‘Drop in’ hours for staff, which can be advertised within the firm.

·  To supply Leaflets, posters and counselling related interest emails sent out if required.

Company:

•  The company will supply an enclosed room to enable private confidential disclosure for employees or allow staff time to travel to our office in Southend-on Sea.
•  The company will allow members of staff 1 hour per week for an agreed number of sessions to receive therapeutic counselling.
• The company will be discreet in the best interests of the staff when allowing them to attend sessions.

The service can be provided for 1 day per week for members of staff who are interested.

The service will involve employees contacting ‘Therapy For Life’ directly, and will be booked by us.

We will then contact your firm to put in place procedure within management to allow the staff member to freely leave their workspace without question to attend the session.

Prices are negotiable depending on company requirements, but based around £50p/h per client (changeable depending on travel requirements)

Session allowance to be agreed upon per employee, and opportunity for discussion with management for an extension in special circumstances.

Employee Support Program - Communication

• A guide to maintaining effective communication of the support you provide to your employees.
• Inform the management team about the service provided.
• Communicate the benefits to the management team.
• Achieve a high level of initial and continuing awareness.
•  Inform employees of the benefits, quality and confidentiality of the service.

Employees to be fully aware of the service so that they can access it as and when the need arises – reducing stress-related absence and improving well being.

Employers benefit from effective communication of a visible, tangible and valued additional employee benefit provided to staff.

Leaflets, posters and emails can be supplied for staff, and management are encouraged to show support and have the ability to convey the benefits to staff.

Potential to provide future skills programs for management and staff regarding subjects such as:

·      Helping the bereaved

·      Spotting a colleague in need

·      Confidence and self esteem

·      Self awareness skills

·      Communication skills

·      Long term sickness

·      Preparation for redundancy and retirement

·      Staff performance and motivation, including sales performance and public speaking

·      Team building skills

·      Health related issues

·       Stress management and related pressures, including depression, maternity and smoking

Whatever your concerns, staff support can be tailored by Therapy For Life to suit your company’s individual needs.

Mental Health is becoming a No.1 focus for the nation, and many companies are seeing the huge benefits to offering this to their staff.

1. It creates good morale
2. A positive perception of caring management.
3. A general sense of well-being throughout.

...Which all goes towards productivity...